True but thats because hes a fetus.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
