Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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