Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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