I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
