hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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