i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
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Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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