dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
