I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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