i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
