To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
