Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
