Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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