Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we're so committed to being not committed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
