you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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