Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
