just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
