she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I had to cum in my sink.
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