She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
