It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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