we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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