It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
