i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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