How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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