i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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