I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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