Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
