I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
