make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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