yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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