my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
