there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
