it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
