its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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