On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
