; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
