And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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