he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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