Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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