I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
