He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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