ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
