saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
