i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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