I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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