my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
