im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
