woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
