i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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