and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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