My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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