I wish my penis had an off switch
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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