he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
