Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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