I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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