I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
