My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
