I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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