sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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