she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
