M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
