We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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