Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
