I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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